Stealing Novels
by The Marauders3
Summary: Charlotte reads a book, Clarisse and Joseph like ice cream, and Shades watches football.


**Title**: Stealing Novels  
**By**: dragoneye  
**Rating**: T  
**Written Because**: Karlee and I were bored… and now I'm going to thank her for the immense help she's been!

**Summary**: An out-of-character Charlotte reads a romance novel, jumps Shades, and you can read the story to find out what else happens.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own The Princess Diaries; it belongs to Disney and Meg Cabot.

OoOoO

It was silent in the royal office except for the clicking of the royal overhead fan and the occasional turning pages of a book.

The royal aide, Charlotte, was sitting with her feet up on her desk, reading one of the Queen's romance novels. She had been apprehensive about reading something so trashy as a romance novel, but Mia had convinced her with a few carefully-picked words:

"Just think of all the ideas you could use on Shades…"

So now Charlotte was fully engrossed in the book—so engrossed as to be slightly ashamed of herself. But this wasn't as trashy as she thought it would be. It was actually rather well-written, if you got past all the detail in the romance parts. It was the tragic tale of two lovers, rather like Romeo and Juliet; but as Charlotte neared the end, she got the feeling that neither would die.

With only a few pages to go, she suddenly realized that the latest steamy love scene was giving her ideas that had never crossed her mind… and the words awakened needs in her own body that startled her. She had never felt so sensitized, so—dare she say it—_aroused_, in her life.

Charlotte huffed and stood up abruptly. She didn't need to read about a fictional character's love life; she had her own. And so she very quickly made her way to where she knew Shades was holed up in the kitchen, watching the latest football match on television.

Charlotte had never cared for football; it was fun to play but excruciating to watch. However, like most of the men in Europe, Shades was a dedicated football fan, and he watched the games whenever they aired on television. He preferred watching in the kitchen because that was where the beer was, of course.

As she walked, Charlotte gave herself a mental pep talk. _I can do this! I need my man! I shouldn't hide from love, I need to find it! _And love was sitting in a chair, drinking a beer while watching football.

OoOoO

Clarisse hid a grin as she snuck out of the royal kitchen. Hiding the pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream under her dressing gown and shuddering at the cold, she hurried up the hallway to the stairs. Knowing her husband would be absolutely furious if she was late with their midnight snack, she quickened her pace but stopped short when she ran into another body.

"Charlotte?!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing down here so late?" Clarisse shifted the tub of ice cream and wiped the guilty look off her face so the younger woman wouldn't notice anything amiss, but Charlotte seemed rather preoccupied herself.

"Oh, nothing, nothing, just—excuse me, your Majesty," and Charlotte was gone.

Clarisse looked after her curiously for a moment, then shrugged off the encounter and made her way back to her bedroom and her husband.

Meanwhile, Charlotte stood in the doorway of the kitchen, observing Shades as he yelled at the television, his beer sitting forgotten on the table.

"Come on, ref, that's a foul! FOUL! Are you blind?! That was blatant! You idiot! Stupid American… it's not even late over there! You have no excuse! That just blew the game… he could've scored…"

Charlotte didn't bother saying a word; she just plopped herself down on Shades's lap, put her hands on either side of his face, and pressed her lips hungrily to his. He didn't react in the way she wanted him to—kissing her back would have been nice—in fact, he hardly reacted at all, except to push her off his lap and say "not now, Charlotte, I'm watching the game."

Her mouth hanging open slightly, Charlotte stood up, hands on hips, and stared at him indignantly. He was, once again, fully engrossed in the game.

Charlotte stormed to the door, wondering why Shades was such an idiot. Why couldn't he be like one of the men in a romance novel? Manly, strong, suave, excellent at seduction? Speaking of seduction… Charlotte decided to employ one of the techniques frequently used in the novel.

She raised her skirt.

Shades didn't even notice, because he was watching the game, so she cleared her throat to get his attention. He glanced her way, then returned to the game.

Charlotte supposed he would rather look at men's football-dribbling legs than hers.

She grit her teeth and pulled her skirt up even higher, crooning "Shades..." in her most seductive tone (although it was exceedingly difficult to make the word "shades" sound seductive). He looked over, getting annoyed that she was distracting him so much, but then gaped at the spectacle of her legs.

Charlotte smiled. Mission accomplished.

She strolled over to Shade's chair, hut his now-open mouth with a forefinger, then used her lack of skirt to her advantage as she sat in his lap again, this time straddling him sexily. Words weren't necessary as they came together passionately, forgetting about any football match that had distracted them before. Suddenly Shades stood up, holding Charlotte close, and set her down on the table so he would have a better angle to her neck.

Joseph, carrying an empty ice cream container and two spoons, stopped dead in his tracks as he entered the kitchen at the same moment Charlotte let out a particularly juicy moan. He smirked, then returned to his room to give a detailed report to his wife.

"On the table?" she said, eyes wide. "I'll never be able to eat there again… oh, goodness…"

Joseph chuckled and Clarisse raised an eyebrow. "Then I'm very surprised that you can still even think of working at your desk," he said mischievously.

Clarisse gasped and swatted his arm scoldingly. He only laughed and made sure she'd never think the same way about this particular armchair again.

THE END


End file.
